Your Late-Pregnancy To-Do List

My Sister-In-Law (Dwija over at House Unseen. Life Unscripted.) asked her blog readers for ideas for her Late-Pregnancy-List-Of-Things-To-Get-Done-Before-The-Baby-Comes.  Instead of the usual, almost cliche things that are usually listed, like “get some rest,” or “take a shower while you still can,” I decided to give her this supremely useful list.  Because I love her enough to think these things up.  For FREE!
List:
Get lots of school done so you won’t feel guilty taking a break after the baby comes. (who am I kidding? Of course you’ll feel guilty no matter how much school is done)

Put cooked meals in freezer so you won’t feel guilty about not feeding your family after the baby comes. (You’ll still feel guilty but that’s ok)

Paint a room or two so that hideous (groovy?) wallpaper does not haunt you and make you feel guilty (I don’t know why it should make you feel guilty, but I have to fit guilt into every item on the list).

Organize all of your children’s art work AND baby books. If you don’t have baby books for all of your children, make some now before it’s too late! Don’t forget to include the lock of hair from their first haircut! Use acid- and lignin-free everything so you don’t RUIN EVERYTHING!!!!!

Sew, knit or crochet a Christmas stocking for each of your children. You may not use glue of any kind.  If you have a gold-plated needle, use it for this project.  Have the gold re-plated because it will rub off.

Hand-dip a baptismal candle from beeswax from your own bees, and decorate it with hand-dyed wax. The design on the candle should depict our Lord’s baptism in the Jordan, or at least the central panel from the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling. If you didn’t do this for the other kids, get crackin’, girl! (Note: You cannot use the same picture on different candles. Each child needs his or her own picture, preferably with a Biblical theme.  Scenes from LOTR are acceptable too)

Hand-write invitations to baby’s baptism, using your best calligraphy. If you don’t know how to do calligraphy you are a bad Mommy. Organize a reception for after the baptism. Make sure you have painted the walls in your reception hall to match the 3-tier cake (handmade) and invitations. What? You don’t have a reception hall? Tsk, tsk!

Go to confession (all that guilt, ya know).

And finally, enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy!   You will not have a good excuse to eat that entire box of Ding-Dongs after the baby comes.

 

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4 thoughts on “Your Late-Pregnancy To-Do List

  1. Mighty hilarious! Hand dip beewax candle from own bees. I have been meaning to start bee keeping… 🙂

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